


The Cold Night Calls

by Imagined



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Greek Mythology - Freeform, Helheimr | Hel (Realm), Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Mythology - Freeform, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-04 01:19:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13353492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imagined/pseuds/Imagined
Summary: Tony thinks he can finally have his happily ever after, after marrying Loki. It turns out that being happy is harder than it looks like when Loki dies. Tony takes the only chance he has of having Loki returned to him: he goes to Helheim to strike a bargain with the goddess of Death, Hela.Based on the myth of Orpheus, who went to the Underworld for his wife, Eurydice.





	The Cold Night Calls

**Author's Note:**

> I was sad. I had to read Metamorphoses for an exam. I listened to Alter Bridge. This is the result.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> What a wonderful life,  
> For as long as you've been at my side,  
> And I want you to know,  
> I loved you so
> 
> Then the cold night calls,  
> And the tears fall like rain,  
> It's so hard letting go,  
> Of the one thing I'll never replace.

Tony doesn’t know if he’s ever been as happy as he is when Loki says yes to his marriage proposal.

Well, it’s not like he expected Loki to say no, but still. They’ve been through a lot of shit together, and Tony has never thought he’d actually get here. Thought he was damaged goods. And he is – but now he can be damaged with Loki, and start healing. And that’s all he wants. It doesn’t matter if he never does anything else with his life but love Loki, because at least he’ll be happy.

At least they’ll both be happy.

Loki smiles at him, and Tony is reminded of how beautiful his husband-to-be is. Beyond that, he’s mischievous, breathtakingly intelligent, and has a witty and dry humour to rival Tony’s. He’s all Tony could ever want.

‘’I love you,’’ Tony tells him.

Loki slides against him, stroking Tony’s goatee with a pale hand before kissing him intently, slowly, like they have all the time in the world to do it. And, Tony remembers with a quickened heartbeat, they do, because Loki is going to marry him. 

‘’I love you too, you utter dork,’’ Loki answers, and drags him to bed to celebrate.

They have all the time in the world.

~*~

Tony, in contrast to most men, does not mind being pulled into all the preparations for the wedding. He secretly enjoys taking care of things like these, and sharing the experience with Loki. Besides, Loki is not the type to let Tony get away without doing anything. 

Loki doesn’t want something big – while he does want to get married, it’s more for them than out of any desire for a wedding at all. He doesn’t quite care for flowers and food and deciding who sits where. Tony knows that Loki just wants them to be together for the long-term, and that’s all there is to it.

Tony agrees, and would’ve let FRIDAY make all arrangements, for him to look over. She’s a fancy lady, if he’s saying so himself, and would whip up something fashionable and something to both of their tastes. But, contrary to popular consensus, Tony fashions himself to be somewhat romantic. Okay, so maybe his gestures are a big over-the-top, but they’re both divas. Loki likes it when he gives him attention. Tony wants this to be their thing, wants to do this together.

Loki agrees, with a soft smile, which then turns mischievous.

‘’Can I decide who sits where?’’ he asks, humour in his voice.

Tony raises his eyebrows at him. ‘’You want to make Thor sit next to someone he doesn’t like, isn’t it?’’

Loki gives him his innocent eyes. ‘’Would I do that, Anthony? Truly?’’

‘’Yes.’’

Loki shrugs. ‘’Yes, but that does not mean I will.’’

Tony just laughs and spends the next half hour kissing Loki, before remembering that there are wedding plans to be made.

Even then, he spends another hour with Loki before getting back to it.

~*~

In the end, despite the disaster that is Tony and Loki together, the wedding comes together quite well. The ceremony is small, with only their friends there. As neither of them believe in being given away, they walk to the altar together, wearing dark suits. Tony can’t quite believe how well Loki pulls them off, but then again, this is Loki he’s talking about. 

Tony doesn’t notice much of what the solemniser is saying, as he is too focused on the pounding of his heart and Loki’s eyes, which are looking straight into his own.

Loki starts his vow. ‘’Anthony,’’ he says. ‘’We didn’t… get off to the best start. But that doesn’t mean we cannot get a happy ending. I think we deserve that, after what we had to get through before meeting together. In Asgard, we believe in the Fates. I never trusted too much in that; the only thing I trusted was my instinct. But I do believe it was a combination of the two that led me to you, because I could never think of anyone who would be more of a constant companion to me. You trusted me when no one else could and you forgave me when no one should. I vow to always trust and love you, as you have always trusted and loved me.’’

Tony scrapes his throat. He doesn’t have to read off a piece of paper. He has always known what he wants to say to Loki, what he is going to be saying for him for the rest of their lives. ‘’Loki. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking of what to say to you here. And I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s not much left to say that I haven’t already said. Which is that I love you. And that no one else makes me quite as happy as you have. But you know that already. I used to think I wasn’t marriage material, but then again, no one’s made me look so forward to the rest of my life as you have. For better or worse, we usually say. I like to think we’ve made it through ‘worse’, already. So, all that’s left is ‘better’. Let’s do that, together, as well.’’

Then the rings are taking to them by Peter, who shoots Tony a grin. He seems unable to hide his excitement, but that’s alright: Tony is not sure so he is hiding his giddiness, either. 

Tony’s made Loki’s ring, while Loki made Tony’s. It might not be conventional, but it certainly fits them well enough. Loki’s is made of the old shrapnel that was going to pierce Tony’s heart. He kept it after the surgery – he didn’t know then he would be using them for this, but it seems fitting to give Loki one of the things that he survived. 

Tony’s ring is a combination of magic and arc reactor technology, like a perfect combination of them. He’s still not sure how it works, but it gives off a faint blue glow, and Tony thinks it’s flawless.

Once they kiss, people applaud.

Tony was wrong. Loki saying ‘yes’ was not the happiest moment of his life – this one is. And Tony looks forward to making a lot more happiest moments.

~*~

Thor approaches them. ‘’Congratulations, brother!’’ he says. ‘’Now you are part of the family as well, Anthony!’’

Somehow, Tony winces at the thought of Thor being his brother-in-law. Loki shoots him a glance, as if to communicate that this is what he’s been dealing with his entire life.

‘’When were you planning to do a ceremony on Asgard, my friends?’’ Thor continues sincerely.

‘’We… weren’t?’’ Tony says, making a face at Loki. ‘’I mean, we never talked about that. Is that a thing?’’

Loki puts an arm around Tony’s middle. ‘’Well, it would grant you citizenship in Asgard. I doubt the Allfather considers us legally married.’’

‘’It would make for a mighty feast, if one of the Princes of Asgard would marry in the halls of our glorious home,’’ Thor says, a broad smile on his face. ‘’Besides, I imagine mother would be very pleased to see her son pledging himself to someone he loves.’’

Then Thor leaves, and they don’t discuss it for the remainder of the evening, but the idea is planted in Tony’s head.

~*~

It’s the second day of their lives as married couple when Tony brings it up. ‘’Do you want to go to Asgard to make it official?’’ he asks, as he’s in bed with Loki’s head resting on his lap, reading a book quietly. ‘’You know, what Thor was talking about at the wedding.’’

Loki looks up at Tony, his dark hair tickling Tony’s legs, and puts away his book. ‘’I’m not certain,’’ Loki admits, turning his head in Tony’s lap so they can look each other in the eyes. ‘’It does have certain benefits. By marrying me, you would be legally considered a citizen of Asgard. Moreover, it has been time since I’ve been there. My mother would certainly enjoy a small ceremony, like the one we had here. But there’s no one else on Asgard I care quite enough about to get married in front of them.’’

‘’I do like the idea,’’ Tony says, moving one hand to Loki’s head to play with his hair. ‘’Of marrying you in front of Asgard, I mean. To let them know we belong to each other, now.’’

He has heard a lot of bad stories about Asgard, but there are also some good ones, mostly involving Frigga. ‘’I think I would, as well,’’ Loki smiles softly at him.

And so it’s decided – they are going to go to Asgard, and have another ceremony.

~*~

The Avengers and Pepper see them off, waving cheerfully. ‘’Be safe, up there,’’ Pepper tells him, with a smile and a hug.

‘’When am I not careful?’’ he says cheerfully.

‘’Have a nice honeymoon, Tony,’’ Rhodey says with a pat on his back. ‘’Don’t scare the poor Asgardians too much.’’ Tony just grins at him.

Then Heimdall takes Thor, Loki and him to the realm of the gods.

~*~

There’s no one waiting for them in Asgard but a dark-tinted man with golden eyes. ‘’Heimdall,’’ Thor greets him. ‘’This is Anthony Stark of Midgard. Loki’s intended.’’

Heimdall regards him coolly, and Tony blinks at him. ‘’Welcome to Asgard, Anthony Stark. And welcome back, Princes.’’

‘’Thanks,’’ Tony mutters, as Thor and Loki lead him to the Rainbow Bridge. It’s quite spectacular, and Tony can’t stop looking around him. Everything screams ‘alien’ to him, but even more fascinating is that this is the place that Loki grew up. He wonders if Loki ever played outside, as a child. He thinks he would be more of an indoor child.

It takes some time to reach Asgard on foot, as the Bridge isn’t exactly short. The people in the city watch them curiously, but let them pass without comment. Thor smiles and waves at them; Loki walks on without watching them. Tony watches it all, taking it in.

When they get to the royal part of the halls, however, a woman is waiting for them, golden hair, pale face and friendly blue eyes. Loki immediately brightens visibly, walking faster. ‘’Mother!’’ he exclaims, hugging her. Frigga has to reach up, but her smile is luminescent. 

‘’Welcome home, Loki,’’ she says, breaking the hug, but her hands remain on Loki’s shoulder for a moment longer. Then she gives a nod and smile to Thor, before turning to Tony. ‘’So you are the mortal who has convinced my son to settle down?’’

She sounds kind, more teasing than anything, but Tony is still a bit nervous. He doesn’t have much experience with meeting the parents, nor does he have any parents of his own to introduce Loki to. ‘’That’s one way of saying it,’’ Tony manages.

Frigga smiles at him, and draws him into a hug. Tony’s mind goes blank.

‘’Welcome to the house of Odin, Anthony Stark,’’ she says, and it seems that every Asgardian is going to call him by his full name. Well, at least he’s lucky they don’t say ‘Edward’ after his first name. That would make matters even worse.

‘’Um, thank you,’’ he says, as she releases him. ‘’I appreciate it.’’

‘’You are my son’s beloved,’’ she tells him. ‘’And I care for anyone who cares about Loki. You are part of the family now.’’

‘’For as long as you’ll have me,’’ Tony shrugs, but he can’t hide the small, bewildered smile on his face.

She smiles, and casts a glance at Loki. ‘’I doubt you’re worse than these two. Come on, there are many preparations to be made for the feast. If you two are to marry here again in a week’s time, there is a lot to be arranged.’’

And thus, Tony and Loki start planning their wedding. Again.

~*~

He’s in Loki’s rooms, looking around. It’s not decorated with the black and green that he would’ve expected: instead, it’s in Asgard’s usual colours, of gold and cream. It isn’t even that big, either. There are two rooms that are part of Loki’s chambers that lead to a bathroom and study room, however. All in all, it looks rather cosy.

‘’You expected everything to be black and green, didn’t you?’’ Loki laughs at him, arms encircling him from behind. Tony looks up and manages to get his head on Loki’s shoulder, so that he can just kiss his jaw.

Then he breaks loose, just to turn around in Loki’s arms, looking his husband right in the eyes. ‘’You can hardly blame me,’’ he says, in between kisses, ‘’for assuming you decorate everything in your colours. You rock them, anyway.’’

Loki’s smile is sly. ‘’Shall I introduce you to the bed?’’

‘’Hell yes,’’ Tony agrees.

~*~

Odin and Loki are clearly distant, being very careful whenever they have to talk to each other. He’s not even said a word to Tony, apart from a formal welcome to Asgard, but he doesn’t really mind. From everything he’s heard from Loki, the Allfather has made a lot of mistakes in parenting. Tony knows how that feels – he knows, intellectually, that his own father cared about him, but it was too little and too late. He can’t even imagine how Loki must’ve felt.

But at least he’s sort of approved, and he’s getting along with Frigga tremendously. She reminds him of Loki, with her mischief and witty humour. It’s pretty clear that her sons are the most important thing in her life, and she’s embraced Tony’s presence in their family without question, fussing over him and explaining everything about Asgard and its inhabitants.

She’s an amazing woman, and a wonderful mother, and Tony is glad that Loki had her, at least.

It’s the day before the wedding, and guests are coming from all over the realms. When one of Odin’s sons gets married, it’s a big deal, apparently. But Tony’s had his small wedding, and he’s still contend, so he doesn’t actually mind. 

Tony is being told something about the history of the city by Loki, giving him a tour, when they see a dispute being started by some elves. They’re dark and ominous, but Loki rolls his eyes at them. ‘’I’ll go tell them to take their quarrel somewhere else,’’ Loki says to him, and kisses Tony’s cheek, slipping his hand out of Tony’s.

Tony feels oddly bereft, as he watches his husband break up the three elves.

He scrunches his eyebrows; it doesn’t look like the elves are calming down – it looks more like the opposite, exactly. One elf shouts at Loki, the other two stare at him darkly. Tony doesn’t have a good feeling about this. He manages to take one step, before one of the elves starts waving with a knife.

Loki manages to block the knife coming at him, but only just barely, as he takes the elf’s arm and throws him on the ground. Tony starts running, cursing himself for not bringing his suit. He thought Asgard would be safe for them. He didn’t expect any kind of trouble to be here.

‘’Loki!’’ he shouts, just as one of the other elves kicks Loki in the hollow of his knees, so that his husband goes down. The elf already on the ground rolls on top of him, stabbing.

They manage to run away just before Tony arrives, the third elf crouching beside Loki. The god is still awake, but he’s been stabbed near his heart, and blood is flowing rapidly.

‘’Shit,’’ Tony mutters, pressing on the wound as Loki closes his eyes in pain. ‘’Shit, shit, shit. Loki, stay with me, okay? Loki? Stay awake. You can’t go to sleep now.’’

Loki’s eyelids flutter, but he doesn’t open his eyes. The only thing he does is move his hand to Tony’s, that is still pushing on the wound. ‘’I love you,’’ he says weakly. ‘’I love you, Tony. I love you.’’

‘’I love you too, bastard,’’ Tony says, tears running down his cheek. They make it hard to see Loki clearly, but they seem to keep coming. ‘’You can’t leave now, Loki. _Loki_!’’ But Loki isn’t responding, body going slack.

‘’THOR!’’ Tony yells out to the street, where the people have stopped to watch, covering their mouths in horror of what has just happened there. Tony picks Loki up from the street, cradling him in his lap. His tears fall on Loki’s face, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing does. ‘’THOR! ANYONE!’’

He watches the fear-stricken elf, still crouching beside him. ‘’Get someone,’’ Tony tells him, and he doesn’t even know how he manages to say it. The elf stands up and runs away, and Tony brings his forehead to Loki’s, openly crying now, his hand softly caressing Loki’s cheek. ‘’You can’t leave me like this, Loki,’’ he whispers, as if it’s a secret. ‘’Don’t do this. Please. Loki. I’m begging you. Please, Loki. Please.’’

But Loki doesn’t answer.

~*~

Tony feels numb. There’s nothing else but the numbness. He can’t even think about what has happened, and yet, it’s all he does. His clothes are still dirty with Loki’s blood, his eyes puffy with tear tracks running down his cheeks, but Tony doesn’t care as he watches the sun rise again.

This is the day he was supposed to marry Loki in front of Asgard.

Today’s the day that Loki is dead.

Like all other days will be, after this one.

Tony can’t even imagine it, can’t believe it. Loki died right in front of him, in his arms, but he just can’t see a world where Loki isn’t in. He married him just over a week ago. They haven’t even gone on their actual honeymoon, yet. The tickets for Norway are still at home, waiting in their room. They haven’t had a chance of any happily ever after. They haven’t had a chance for anything.

Tony can’t cry anymore. He’s exhausted from all the tears that have dropped down his eyes, but once they took Loki’s body away from him, he couldn’t do it anymore.

He’s sitting in Thor’s room, because he can’t bear to be in Loki’s. 

He can’t bear to think of Loki, yet he does.

Tony closes his eyes, letting his forehead rest against the wall. He must look ridiculous, to anyone who enters. But he can only think of how alone he is, now. Of that he really thought that he was going to spend the rest of his life with Loki.

A week. A measly week is all he got.

Maybe Tony Stark doesn’t deserve happiness, but must always mend his broken heart.

~*~

Frigga enters the room, and Tony jerks awake. She tilts her head at seeing him, gives him a sympathetic look, and sits next to him on bed as Tony straightens himself.

‘’Come here,’’ she says softly, burying Tony in her arms. Tony starts trembling, and feels the tears come again. Frigga goes with a hand through Tony’s hair, comforting him. ‘’I know it’s terrible, darling. No one would ever have expected this. He would want you to be happy, Anthony. He loved you, I know it like I know nothing else. He loved you so much.’’

‘’I know he loved me,’’ Tony manages to say, weeping into her clothes. He doesn’t even feel embarrassed about it. ‘’It wouldn’t hurt so much if he didn’t love me. And I love him. I love him. Oh god. What am I going to do?’’

Frigga puts Tony’s face between her hands, staring at him intently. ‘’We do what we all must do in times like these, dear Anthony. We mourn him and we remember him. We love him, and we respect that he loved us, and we move on. It’s all we can do, sometimes. And no one can change that.’’

‘’I can’t,’’ Tony tells her. ‘’I can’t do that. I thought we had time. I thought…’’ he falls silent.

A single tear drops from Frigga’s eye, and Tony knows she’s just trying to be strong for him, but that she misses Loki just as much. ‘’Loki is my son,’’ Frigga answers. ‘’And your husband. No one can fill that gap. But we cannot let it consume us.’’

Tony doesn’t know if he has a choice.

~*~

Tony doesn’t know how much time passes. He eats when it is brought to him, he sleeps when he falls asleep, and he stares out of the window the rest of the time. He supposes he should count the amount of times he’s seen the sun rise, but he doesn’t think he has the energy for it.

He knows it’s not healthy, but he can’t help it. Sure, he doesn’t need Loki in the physical sense, but it’s just – he’s feeling raw, all the time. Like he’s gone one too many rounds with the Hulk. Missing Loki is physically painful, the memory of his husband dying in his arms still too clear. He can see it every time he closes his eyes.

Loki is dead, he reminds himself. Loki is not going to come back, this time.

Loki is dead.

Loki is dead.

Tony doesn’t even know when he starts crying again.

~*~

There’s a funeral, in Asgardian style. Tony almost doesn’t want to go, but he can’t sit this out while everyone is saying goodbye to his husband.

He hasn’t seen Loki’s body since they dragged him away from Tony’s arms. They cleaned him up for the funeral. He’s in a boat, hands over his chest. He looks peaceful, and Tony could almost think he was asleep, if not for the fact that he remembers what happened all too well.

Loki is wearing his customary black, and his hair has been combed back. Tony almost wants to mention it to Frigga: he liked it best when Loki’s hair was curly and hanging freely on his shoulders. He hasn’t worn his hair like this for a long time now, and it just doesn’t fit. It’s not right, like the way his hair is done is a remnant of a past Loki – but then he remembers there is no present Loki.

He feels himself choking up again, and doesn’t say anything. 

Tony almost can’t watch as they send the boat off. It looks lonely, on the dark waters of Asgard, at first. But then someone – he doesn’t see who – fires an arrow, and the boat is on fire. A thousand lights follow, both on the water and in the air. It’s beautiful, but Tony can’t take his eyes off that one tiny boat, moving further into the nothing.

Just as it should have fallen off the waterfalls, Odin, beside Tony, knocks on the ground with his staff, giving a faint echo. The boat continues on, and then something leaves the boat, flying into the sky, joining the thousands of other lights. The boat falls, having served its purpose.

And that’s it. That was Loki’s funeral. Tony feels himself shaking again, becoming lightheaded with the feeling of it. Thor moves to stand in between Odin and him and puts a hand on Tony’s shoulder. ‘’He shall be remembered, brother,’’ Thor says, staring at where the boat disappeared. ‘’Loki will be forever with us.’’

‘’What happened to the elves?’’ Tony asks, voice hoarse. He hasn’t even considered them yet, up to now. 

Thor sighs. ‘’They are in the cells, awaiting trial,’’ he answers. ‘’I should see them hanged, myself.’’

Tony would like that, too. It’s the vicious streak in him. But it’s not going to bring Loki back. Nothing is.

~*~

No one asks him whether he wants to go back home. Tony’s not sure what he would answer. On one hand, Asgard hasn’t been really good to him so far. On the other hand, he’s not sure whether he’s ready to go home yet. Going home means moving on. Going home means facing all his friends and telling them that Loki is dead.

Going home means being alone.

The people who knew Loki best, who love him the most, are undoubtedly Thor and Frigga. And Tony wants to be with them a bit longer. They’re technically his family now, and they’ve treated him as such. He feels, even if it’s only a bit, better, when they’re around. He’s alone, without Loki, but not quite as alone.

But it also hurts, knowing that he could’ve found another family here, only to find his linking piece missing.

There is a trial for the elves that murdered Loki. Tony has asked Thor and Frigga not to tell him what the sentence is. He’s not sure he wants to know, yet. 

Before he knows it, two weeks have passed. Two weeks in which he has slept in a bed without Loki. Two weeks since Loki drew his last breath. Two weeks since Loki last told him he loved him, and Tony was able to say it back.

That means he’s been in Asgard for three weeks. He’s been here longer without Loki than with him, and the thought feels ridiculous. He wishes Thor had never mentioned having a wedding on Asgard. He wishes he hadn’t encouraged it.

But well, he couldn’t have known this. That doesn’t make it better. This is no one’s fault but that of the two elves who tackled Loki and stabbed him in his heart.

Whatever Tony tells himself, the guilt and sadness don’t go away.

~*~

‘’Where is he, now?’’ Tony wonders aloud, sitting in Thor’s room with him. He’s been sleeping in Thor’s room for two weeks now. After the first night Tony spent there, someone had made sure another bed was brought in, and they've never mentioned it. They seem to need to mourn together.

Thor looks over at him, forehead creased. ‘’Helheim is the realm for those who have passed,’’ Thor tells him gently. ‘’Hela, the goddess of Death, watches over their souls.’’

Tony bites his lip. ‘’I don’t suppose it’s a happy place?’’ he asks.

Thor shrugs. ‘’Not much is known of it. Hela rarely is seen outside of her realm, and seldom any living being goes to her realm. Entering is an enterprise few dare undertake.’’

‘’Why?’’ Tony asks, curious despite himself.

‘’There are many obstacles. Hela isn’t kind to intruders, and she is a harsh queen. There is a river to cross, and an enormous wolf who guards the entrance and will attack anyone trying to get there. It is said that the realm is cold and unyielding, and food cannot be consumed, or one stays forever. That is how Hela won her husband, Balder. Even then, the dead are often unrecognizable. They are not of our world, brother. No tale tells about anything but sadness about any who goes there.’’

‘’But someone went there?’’

‘’There is a… myth. A tale that tells of a god, thousands of years ago, who went in search for a beloved one who had died before her time. I do not know if it truly happened. No one knows their names, and there is more than one ending to the myth. All I know is that it does not end happily.’’

‘’But he got there? In front of Hela?’’ Tony asks.

Thor is looking at him worriedly. ‘’Yes, according to the tale, he did. But listen to me, Anthony. Helheim is dangerous. This is a myth. Perhaps there’s not even truth in it.’’

‘’You guys were myths before you came to Earth,’’ Tony says. ‘’And you turned out to be pretty much true.’’

‘’You’re not listening to what I am saying,’’ Thor insisted. ‘’I will not let you go Helheim. I will not lose another brother. Loki wouldn’t want you to go, and I don’t want you to go. Don’t lose yourself to this madness.’’

‘’I love him, Thor,’’ Tony said, shaking his head. ‘’I’m not going to sit here and move on if there’s a chance I can bring him back!’’

‘’ _You can’t_ ,’’ Thor says. 

But Tony can’t not try, now that he knows he has even the smallest opportunity. 

~*~

Thor has told Frigga what Tony’s planning, and she comes to see him as Tony’s getting a bag with some equipment. He doesn’t know quite what he’ll need on a trip to Helheim, but he figures he needs some stuff on an adventure like this. Food is out of the question, as he cannot eat there. Would drinking be possibly? Probably not. All consumption probably counts. Tony doesn’t mean to be stuck there.

‘’Loki would not want you to do this,’’ Frigga tells him, from where she’s watching him.

Tony shrugs. ‘’Don’t tell me he wouldn’t do this for me,’’ he challenges her, and he sees her incline her head in surrender.

‘’Your love is strong,’’ Frigga says. ‘’But not everything is meant to come back. Loki has passed somewhere that the living can’t follow. Helheim is not meant for you.’’

Tony sighs, and puts his bag on the bed. ‘’Frigga. I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me. But I have to do this. I have to try, at least. I promise, if it can’t be done, I’ll come back here. I won’t endanger myself more than necessary to bring Loki back. But I can’t live with myself, knowing I haven’t done my absolute best.’’

Frigga smiles sadly at him. ‘’You’re too much like Loki,’’ she says, and Tony chooses to take it as a compliment. ‘’I know that I cannot stop you. But I hope you realize that there are people here who care for you too, Anthony. You are my son-in-law, and Thor’s brother. I cannot bear losing you.’’

She helps him pack his bag.

~*~

‘’I do not have much jurisdiction in Helheim,’’ Heimdall tells him and Frigga. ‘’It’s part of the nine realms, but we have a strict relationship with Hela. She doesn’t appreciate intruders in her realm. I will bring you near the entrance, and that will be the only place I will be able to pick you up again.’’

‘’I appreciate it,’’ Tony tells him. Frigga has brought him a thick coat and Asgardian armour to travel in. He has a sharpened knife on his belt and a bag packed with all things he could possibly need. Tony’s never felt so unlike himself as in that moment, but the road before him has made him come to life again, somewhat. The coat is thick and tickles a bit against the naked bits of his skin, and it’s far too hot to wear in Asgard. But where he’s going, there’s going to be an astounding lack of warmth.

Thor, Frigga and even Odin are there to wave him off. Thor has a pensive look on his face, like Odin, but it looks graver on Thor’s. There’s not much to say to him, considering Tony has said everything he wants to say, but he can’t leave without a goodbye.

He’s surprised when Thor hugs him.

‘’Promise me you will return to us,’’ Thor tells him solemnly. ‘’You are my brother now, Anthony Stark. Let me not lose two.’’

‘’I promise,’’ Tony says.

With a kiss on the head from Frigga and a nod from Odin, Tony leaves a family in Asgard behind to search for his deceased husband in the world of the dead.

~*~

He’s disoriented, after the Bifröst has brought him to Helheim. He is standing in the circle of symbols the Bifröst usually leaves in its wake. In another time, another place, Tony would have loved to research it, but there is no time for that now. He cannot eat or drink while he is here, and while’s he’s not hungry now, he’s not sure when he will be. Frigga has informed him that time runs differently in Helheim; much like it would in a dream. Tony is not sure how that will affect him, but he wants to get there, take Loki, and be out of here as soon as possible.

There are dead trees surrounding him, and a soft and cold wind blowing. In front of him, there’s a gate, and a demolished gate made of grey stone. It’s exactly what Tony would have expected from a realm of the dead. Hesitating for only a second, Tony walks to the gate, letting his fingers wander over the old stone, moss growing on it. There’s little else nearby in terms of civilization, and he walks through it.

It is immediately apparent that he’s in the land of the dead. For a second, Tony sees the ghosts surrounding him, but just as he grabs a handful of moss to steady himself, they disappear. Still; he can see something moving in the distance, but every time he tries to focus on it, it is gone again.

‘’This place freaks me out,’’ he mumbles to himself. It’s as if the wind itself tells him to get a move on, and Tony starts walking. There’s a path, even if it’s not very clear and the stones are uneven, but it is undoubtedly a path.

Tony follows it.

~*~

He’s not sure if he’s been walking for days or for minutes, after that. There’s not much in the way of environment to look at: everything is grey and dark. The mist comes shortly after, and Tony can’t see the gate which he went through anymore, but he’s not sure if that is because of the fog or the distance. He’s not going to walk back to see which one it is, though. He has a path, and he is going to stick to it.

At first, he only has to walk straight on. But then the mist gets thicker, and the path starts to make odd twists and turns, and Tony has to focus on where he’s going.

Before long, he is exhausted. He doesn’t know what time it is, because the fog has blocked out everything. There’s no sun or moon here to tell him how long he’s been walking.

‘’Sorry, Loki,’’ Tony mutters. ‘’I have to sleep. I’m coming for you, I promise.’’

He lays down, and takes the small blanket that he’s packed in his bag. Blanket covering him, holding his bag so he won’t lose it, Tony falls asleep.

But not even sleeping is easy, in this dark and icy place, harsh and heavy. He feels like he’s half-awake all the time, and he becomes conscious of the cold breeze and shudders every few minutes – or that’s how it feels, anyway. Every time he blurrily opens his eyes, it’s like there’s a hand stroking his cheek or resting in his hand. When he shakes himself awake, however, it’s gone again. 

After a few times of this happening, Tony sits up, huddling his blanket closer to his body. There’s no one, but he could have sworn he saw someone.

And when he turns, she’s standing there, like she was the last time he saw her. ‘’Mom,’’ he whispers, reaching out for her, before he remembers that this is not real.

She doesn’t say anything, but smiles down sadly at him. Tony helps himself up, stuffing his blanket back in the bag without looking away from his mother. ‘’I missed you, mom,’’ he tells her. ‘’I’m here for Loki. He’s my husband. I’m going to get him back.’’

She opens her mouth to answer, and Tony braces himself to hear her voice again, because it’s been so long, and he’s not sure he remembers the sound of it. But then something makes a noise to his left, like a stone falling in a cave, an reverberating sound that feels both too loud and too soft. When Tony looks back to his mother, she’s gone. Tony takes a deep breath and pinches his nose. 

‘’Stop hallucinating,’’ he tells himself. ‘’This place is driving you crazy. Get Loki and get away from here.’’

He starts walking again.

~*~

And he walks, until the road splits into two parts. Tony curses, and weighs his options. He’ll have to choose one of them, and he’s not sure he can afford it to choose randomly. But the roads look exactly alike, so there’s not much of a choice anyway.

He nearly jumps when there are two young voices behind him, and turns around to face two dead children, a boy and a girl. Their eyes are empty, but fixed on Tony, not lacking in purpose.

“Who is that great one who grasps the earth, swallowing wood and water. Bad weather he dreads, wind, but no man, and picks a fight with the sun. Anthony Stark, guess my riddle,’’ they say simultaneously, and Tony looks from the boy to the girl and back to the boy again.

He notices that they may look like children, and sound like them, but they hold themselves like adults. And they’re dead, he realizes. They may have been dead for longer than he’s been alive. They may have been dead since the beginning of time, who’s to say?

‘’What?’’ he says to them, as they don’t say anything else.

“Who is that great one who grasps the earth, swallowing wood and water. Bad weather he dreads, wind, but no man, and picks a fight with the sun. Anthony Stark, guess my riddle.’’

Okay. So he has to solve a riddle. ‘’And you will point me the right way if I guess correctly?’’ Tony asks. The children nod, again at exactly the same time.

Well. At least he has an answer out of them. He could still guess, of course, but this seems to be the better way to choose. At least, assuming they speak the truth. But Tony doesn’t have much of a choice.

He thinks about the riddle. A great one – sizeable, then. But then, that may be metaphorical. Powerful, maybe, in that case. Grasps the earth, swallows wood and water. That’s vague. Moving on; bad weather he dreads, wind, but no man. Okay, he can work with that. Bad weather defeats this big things, but people cannot. That has to be some kind of natural thing. It can be blown away, or it wouldn’t fear wind. Then, it picks a fight with the sun. So, it’s a rival of the sun? That would suggest another it being moon or stars, but Tony doesn’t think that’s it.

“Who is that great one who grasps the earth, swallowing wood and water. Bad weather he dreads, wind, but no man, and picks a fight with the sun. Anthony Stark, guess my riddle.’’

‘’Yeah, yeah, I’m working on it,’’ he snaps at them. He closes his eyes for a second, thinking about it. The answers that he thinks of don’t fit everything that’s said, and he inwardly curses himself. He’s supposed to be a genius, he should be able to solve it. He opens his eyes, half-expecting to see the sky, but it’s blocked… by the fog.

‘’Fog!’’ he blabbers, before he can even think about it. But then he takes a moment, and calms himself. It has to be fog – it grasps the earth and swallows everything, so no one can see anything. Man can’t do anything about it, but the wind blows it away. It blocks the sun, hence picking a fight with it.

The children look at each other, then point both with their left hands to one of the roads.

Tony lets out a sigh of relief, and starts walking again.

~*~

Even in his Asgardian armour and thick coat, Tony feels chilly. The fog’s leaving, a bit, so Tony can see a bit further ahead. Not that it matters much: there’s little to see, apart from some dead trees.

He walks, and he walks, and he walks. He misses Loki.

He wonders absent-mindedly what they’d be doing, right now, had everything gone according to plan. They were supposed to be in Norway now, on a honeymoon. His friends undoubtedly are wondering what happened.

Maybe they would be watching the northern light. Tony vaguely remembers that they’d talked about going to see it, before. He remembers Loki’s mischievous grin as they looked up if there were still remnants of the culture of the people who believed in the Norse gods, and finding out there were. Tony had promised him that they would go look at them together.

Maybe they would be sleeping. Tony has no idea what time it is, after all. Maybe it’s in the middle of the night, and Tony would be half-lying on top of Loki. Loki would have his cold feet pressed to Tony’s calves, and his nose buried in Tony’s hair.

And Tony walks. And walks. And walks.

~*~

He walks for two days, having slept for some time again, but not restfully. Tony is growing more tired, resolve slowly breaking. But he’s determined, and he’s not going to stop. He increasingly feels like he is being watched, and not in a good way.

And then Tony reaches a river.

He blinks at it, as he sees it. It glitters, but it’s not because of the reflection of the sun. The water is strangely white, among the grey. It’s a peaceful, calm water, but Tony doesn’t think it’s as harmless as it looks like. He can faintly see the path continue, at the other side of the river. So he definitely has to cross this.

Well, damn.

He nearly falls in when he turns around and there’s someone standing behind him. Yinsen looks at him, with a kind look in his eyes, but disapproving. Tony’s not sure what to make of it. 

‘’Great, more hallucinations,’’ he mutters to himself. ‘’That’s just what this journey needed.’’

Yinsen looks at him with raised eyebrows, and Tony feels mildly judged.

‘’Well, if you’re going to play with my mind, you could at least help,’’ Tony tells him. He’s eighty eight per cent sure these are just hallucinations. The other twelve per cent he can’t account for. He’s going mad in this realm, and it’s no surprise either. ‘’I just want to get to Loki. Is that so much to ask for?’’

Yinsen tilts his head at him, a glint in his eyes. Then he points to a rope, lying a few feet away. Tony raises his eyes at it, and gives Yinsen a fleeting smile. ‘’Well, look at that, Doc. Even now, you’re still intent on helping me.’’

Tony walks to the rope, being careful as he crouches beside it and picks it up. It looks like ordinary rope. A quick tug on it proves there’s something more, though. Tony turns around to make a remark to Yinsen, but the hallucination is gone again. Tony shrugs and determines not to question his sanity, for now. That will all come later.

Tugging on the rope and walking back until whatever the rope is connected to starts becoming heavier proves more fruitful than he could’ve hoped. A boat is at the end of the rope, even if takes him some time to get it fully out of the water. There’s even two spades lying in it, fortunately. 

Tony is not someone who is overly fond of water. He wasn’t before what happened in Afghanistan, and he sure as hell isn’t now. He manages baths and showers just fine, after years, but this does creep him out, just a bit. The only thing he can hear is the wind blowing and the soft noises of the water of his peddle dripping back into the river, before he switches peddles, rowing steadily to the other side.

It doesn’t take him that long to reach the other side, considering he’s never actually done anything like this before. The boat washes up a few feet from where the path continues on, because Tony’s aim when in a boat is not ideal, but he thinks he did alright. He’s close enough, anyway.

Tony gets out of the boat, a bit wobbly, and tries to get it a bit more firmly washed up on the land. He’ll probably need it to get back, anyway.

He slips a bit when pulling at the wood of the boat, and ends up nearly losing his equilibrium. His right foot lands in the water, and just as Tony wants to pull it out again, something grabs his boot.

Tony curses, as he sees the luminescent hand, pale and bony. The hand drags him down, and Tony falls down on the muddy ground. He just manages to take the sharp dagger from his belt as he stabs the hand. He’s not sure it will work, but fortunately, the hand withdraws in pain. Tony scrambles up, wildly staring at the water, heartbeat going a thousand miles.

He’s glad this didn’t happen before he had to cross the river, or he’s not sure he would still dare. He’s going to have a lot of new nightmares about water, after this.

Tony takes a deep breath, hoists the boat further out of the water, making sure he doesn’t slip this time. Then he continues walking, ignoring the starting ache signalling hunger in his stomach.

~*~

There’s a wolf.

Tony blinks at the wolf. The wolf blinks back at him.

It’s a giant wolf, no doubt about it. He’s guarding a stone entrance, just like the one Tony entered to get into Helheim. Only this one hasn’t decayed, but still stands proudly and it’s bigger than the first one. Tony eyes it, feeling like this might be what he’s been searching for. The path trails to it, and stops after.

‘’Not that you don’t look like a pleasant fellow… wolf? but you’re not just going to let me in, are you?’’

‘’I wouldn’t be a good guard if I did, would I?’’ the wolf asks. Tony thinks that talking wolves aren’t the strangest things that have happened to him. 

Tony shrugs, and sits down on the ground. He’s exhausted, and hungry, and has had an headache ever since he came from the river.

‘’You’re not going to attack me?’’ the wolf asks, a mixture of surprise and wariness in his voice.

Tony shrugs. ‘’Look, I’ve been walking for three days, hallucinating all kinds of people and stuff, I’ve almost been eaten by a river and have slept for maybe four hours. I’m just trying to get my husband back, here. I don’t mean to, I don’t know, fight you or anything. Peaceful negotiations, and all that. I’d really appreciate it if you let me through, but for now, I just need to sit down for a second.’’

‘’My name is Fenrir,’’ the wolf says. ‘’I’ve never got to talk to anyone who got here. Everyone tries to attack me. It makes for a poor existence, let me tell you. This job is either waiting for a very long time for something to actually guard against, and being attacked by people. There’s no middle ground.’’

‘’That sucks,’’ Tony says, taking his blanket out of the bag and draping it over himself. ‘’I don’t imagine there’s much entertainment around these parts. But that does mean that some people came here. How many did, before me?’’

Fenrir seems to think about it, and lies down. His paws are as big as Tony’s body. ‘’Well, there was someone a few centuries ago. Four centuries, maybe? Anyway, she came here, but she attacked me. Took me months to get my fur back, let me tell you, but I managed to win. Before that, there was a bit of a gap. Some kind of hero. Don’t know what he was doing around these parts. He almost killed me, the bastard. One moment, he wasn’t there, and then there was suddenly a knife in my back. I mean, what have I ever done to him? And before him, there was someone else. The first one that came here. A young man, coming for his wife. Kind of like you, actually. He sneaked past me, when I was sleeping. I only saw him when he left.’’

‘’He left this place?’’ Tony asks. Maybe this man is the one the myths are about, the ones that Thor mentioned.

Fenrir seems to scrunch his nose. ‘’Well, he managed to talk to Hela and come back out again,’’ he says eventually. ‘’I don’t think he ever left Helheim. No one does, really.’’

‘’I mean to,’’ Tony says. 

Fenrir smiles down at him. ‘’And I hope you will. But now, you should probably go. I’ll let you through. Hela knows you’re coming, and she’s waiting for you. I wish all adventurers who came here were like you. Good luck!’’

‘’Thanks, Fenrir,’’ Tony says sincerely, as he stands up and puts his blanket back in his bag. With a last nod to the enormous wolf, he walks through the entrance.

~*~

There are – definitely ghosts. Those are ghosts. Tony shudders, as they look at him. By walking through the entrance, he’s entered some kind of palace, or at least he thinks it’s one. The high ceilings remind him a bit of an old church. There’s no windows, nor any light at all, but that of the faintly radiating ghosts, faceless and lifeless.

‘’Welcome to my hall, Anthony Stark,’’ he hears a voice say. He turns to see a young woman, sitting on a throne. Her dress is white, like a wedding dress, finely decorated with lace. Her skin is pale, or at least, one half of it – the left half of her body looks more like a corpse than a woman. There’s only hair on the living side of her body, thick hair that’s so blond it’s nearly white. It goes down to her waist, curling slightly at the ends. Her living eye is a piercing grey.

‘’Queen Hela?’’ he asks.

She raises her chin. ‘’You have travelled quite some distance, to be here,’’ she says, and her voice is both old and young, like a mother and a child speaking at the same time. ‘’You have entered Helheim, my domain, and faced all obstacles in your path. You are among the dead, alive.’’

Tony looks around him, at the silent assemble of ghosts. ‘’I am here for Loki Odinson.’’

‘’I know,’’ she says. A man appears next to her, and he is definitely not a ghost. He has shining golden hair, and a tanned face. His eyes are a dark blue, serious and solemn. He wears a golden armour, clean and bright. His arms are visible, the armour leaving them unprotected, and Tony can see the scars running down them. For all that he seems like a warrior, there is something kind in his eyes and demeanour. ‘’This is my own husband, Balder.’’

‘’Pleased to meet you,’’ Tony says, a bit awkwardly. The man looks down on him, kindly.

‘’I’ve heard many tales of the sons of Odin,’’ Balder says, taking Hela’s hand as he talks. ‘’Both of them seem to be quite the trouble-makers, one more so than the other. They’ve brought many inhabitants to the halls of my wife. I talk to them, sometimes, to hear of the world above. Imagine our surprise when Loki entered Helheim.’’

‘’Please,’’ Tony says. ‘’We married only a few weeks ago, on Earth, my home. He was killed the day we were supposed to marry before Asgard. I love him, and I don’t mean to leave without him.’’

‘’That is not your decision,’’ Hela tells him. ‘’The dead are the dead, and the dead are mine.’’

Tony feels a tremble go through him, and watches beside him. The ghosts are still standing there, unnaturally silent. One of them takes a step forward, and Tony knows – it’s Loki. It’s hard to see them, but Tony doesn’t need more than simply that gesture.

‘’I don’t beg often. I don’t believe in it,’’ Tony tells Hela. ‘’But I will, if I have to. I will do whatever it takes to have Loki returned to me. Whatever it takes for us to have a life together.’’

Hela regards him. ‘’No,’’ she says, simply, and takes her leave. 

Tony balls his fist and feels the tears coming to his eyes. He’s come so far. He’s made it up to here, where so many people have failed to come. And yet, he leaves with nothing.

Balder remains, walking to him until he’s standing right in front of Tony. ‘’I’m not going to leave until I can leave with Loki,’’ Tony tells him angrily. 

‘’Hela won’t change her mind if you keep standing here,’’ Balder tells him, and puts a hand on his shoulder. Tony almost tenses, after what feels like weeks of not having been touched. 

‘’Loki is my husband,’’ Tony mumbles, closing his eyes against the tears that drop against his will. ‘’How can I leave now, when I’m finally here? This was my last chance. My only chance, don’t you see?’’

Balder sighs. ‘’I will talk to Hela, for you,’’ he says. ‘’I cannot promise you anything will come of it, Anthony Stark. But she may listen to me. She loves me, like you love Loki.’’

‘’Thank you,’’ Tony says sincerely. 

All his hope rests in Balder, now.

~*~

It’s hours before Hela and Balder return, or it feels like it, at least. Tony waits, growing colder and more hungry with the minute. His throat feels hoarse, as it’s been a while since he’s drunk anything. He wonders how much time has actually passed, both here and back in the living world. It feels both too long and too short, for everything that has happened.

‘’I will allow you to bring Loki back with you,’’ Hela says as she enters.

Tony looks up from where he’s sitting, exhausted and pitiful, and his eyes grow. He can’t quite believe what he’s hearing. ‘’You will?’’ he exclaims, jumping up.

‘’My husband has convinced me,’’ she says, raising her eyebrows at him. ‘’However, I have one condition. If you fail to uphold it, Loki will never leave Helheim.’’

‘’What is the condition?’’ Tony asks eagerly. He doesn’t matter what it is: he’ll keep it. He can and he will.

Hela shares a look with Balder, who stands beside her, face grave. ‘’Loki will follow you, when you journey back to the borders of Helheim. You are not to look at him. Show me that you are patient, and I will give you your husband.’’

‘’Yes, yes,’’ Tony says. ‘’It’s a deal. I can do that.’’

He still can’t quite believe it, as he thanks Hela and especially Balder, knowing he owes this to the goddess’ husband. He has managed to make a deal concerning Loki’s soul. He will be able to go home with Loki, and hold him, and kiss him, and be together again. Like he never left.

They can finally have their happy ending, after all.

~*~

It’s not as easy as it seems, truth to be told. Hela has told him that Loki will follow him, but there’s nothing to be heard behind him as he leaves again. Fenrir gives him a short nod as he appears. ‘’You look happy,’’ the wolf comments.

Tony can feel himself beaming. He imagines it’s strange to see someone be glad in the realm of death and mourning, but he’s regained life. He can’t help it. ‘’I got what I came for,’’ he tells Fenrir. ‘’I have to make it back without looking back. I can do that.’’

Fenrir inclines his head. ‘’I hope it works out for you,’’ he mutters. 

‘’It will,’’ Tony says confidently. The hardest part is over, now.

He can’t wait to see Loki, again.

~*~

Tony turns his back to Hela’s home, and steadily makes his way back to the river. He’s tired, and hungry, but the news has uplifted his spirits more than food, water of sleep could ever do. Still, he can’t travel the entire way back in one day. He’s been awake for a long time now, and Tony needs sleep, he can feel it in his bones. Even with his newfound energy, he stumbles over his own feet multiple times. The wind that he’s almost gotten used to nearly blows him to the ground more than once.

Tony stops just before he reaches the river. He doesn’t want to cross it while he’s running so low on energy. If he makes good time after he awakes, he can be back where he started within two days.

He sleeps, but it’s still not comfortable. He can only think of Loki, who is somewhere behind him, where Tony is not allowed to look. Loki is somewhere near. Loki, who he thought he’d lost forever.

When he finally falls asleep, it’s not restful. Helheim, even if Tony has what he came for, still gives off a bad vibe, and Tony’s gnawing hunger and thirst play with him even in dreams. He shakes in nightmares, dreaming of water swallowing him, not being able to breath. He dreams of Loki, taking his ankle and dragging him in.

He wakes up breathing hard, shaking despite himself. He needs to get away from Helheim; he can’t take this atmosphere for much longer.

When Tony stands up, rubbing his eyes, which feel bruised, he is face to face with another one of his hallucinations. Maybe he has to accept that he’s gone insane already, at this point. Jarvis is standing there, his old butler. Someone who was more a father to him than Howard Stark ever was.

‘’Jarvis?’’ he says, mind blanking. The old man smiles at him, like he did when Tony was just a child. It seems like a lifetime ago.

Tony tells himself to keep going. He’s Iron Man: he can face this. He’s done worse things than this little trip to Helheim. He’s close to his goal now, and he can’t give up. He won’t.

As Tony stumbles forward, it becomes apparent that despite getting some sleep, he doesn’t have that much more energy. Figures. Sleeping can only help somewhat, but Tony will need to eat sometime soon. And drink. He’s gone days without both, and Tony thinks he would’ve already been severely dehydrated, were this not Helheim. Time works differently here; maybe it’s only been hours. Anyway, while he may be famished and thirsty, he apparently isn’t about to fall over dead yet. That’s something, at least. Or maybe it’s just not possible to die while in Helheim. Tony doesn’t know, and can’t be bothered to think about the answer. He just needs to get back to Asgard.

Jarvis walks in front of him to the boat. Tony’s not even going to think about how weird it is, these hallucinations before him. Maybe they’re not hallucinations, he thinks. Maybe they’re real ghosts. But still, he’s not sure that would be better. He might have mourned for his mother, Yinsen and Jarvis, but he can’t help them. Even if it’s them, they’re unreachable. 

Tony shudders, as he pushes the boat into the water again. Jarvis joins him, sitting beside him silently. Tony might have thought it weird, but he just wants to ignore the water, while he can. He’s terrified of falling in it, as he remembers how it grabbed him. He is very aware of the knife on his belt. Somehow, Jarvis’ presence is still familiar, and it comforts him. He hopes Loki can follow over the water, though, but he dares not look back. While Loki is a ghost, he’ll probably be able to go over without any problem, Tony considers. Probably Loki would even be able to figure out a way without being a ghost.

Damn, he can’t wait to kiss Loki again.

~*~

Jarvis leaves the boat first, looking expectantly at Tony as the man jumps out of it, careful to not touch any water. He looks at Jarvis uncertainly. When his butler just passed away, Tony had so much stuff he wanted to thank him for. He never got the chance to say goodbye, not to his mother, nor his father, nor Jarvis. And if this is not a hallucination? Then he can say it now.

Besides, Tony figures, there’s no harm done if it’s a hallucination. Merely Tony’s grasp of reality will be a bit further out of reach.

Well, it’s not as if he’s not a bit insane, anyway.

‘’Thank you,’’ he tells the man. ‘’For being there for me. For being a role model. I can’t tell you how much you mean to me, Jarvis.’’

And maybe there’s more to say, but that is all Tony has ever wanted to say. The next time he turns to Jarvis, the ghost has disappeared. Tony feels surprisingly alone again.

~*~

The further he walks, the more uncertain he gets. There’s no sound behind him, nothing. 

But he can’t look behind him, so he continues walking.

And he walks. And walks. And walks.

He walks the entire way, unending.

~*~

He’s stumbled perhaps a hundred times before he falls.

‘’Shit,’’ Tony mutters, inspecting his hands. The majority of his body was protected by the Asgardian armour, but his hands are scratched open. It’s not the worst injury he’s ever received, but they burn. Small pieces of the sandy ground are mixed with the blood. 

Tony can acknowledge he’s too tired to go on, or continue. 

But he’s Tony Stark, husband of Loki Odinson, who’s counting on him now. So Tony stands up and follows the road back home.

~*~

He reaches the point where the road had split. The two children are still standing there, eyes fixed on Tony. 

‘’You are haunted,’’ they tell him.

Tony grimaces. ‘’I’m supposed to be. It’s my husband.’’

‘’Is it?’’ they wonder aloud. Tony shrugs, and walks past them. No more riddles for him, today. He just wants to go home, and he’s getting closer with every step he takes. His throat burns.

~*~

It’s not that far anymore. Tony can feel it. He’s getting close to the entrance again. And once he’s there, he can finally eat, sleep and rest, but most importantly – he’ll have Loki by his side.

He estimates that there’s maybe a few hours left for him to get through, following his path. He’d go on, but Tony has fallen a spectacular amount of four times, by now, and even he’s not self-destructive enough to go on. He just needs to rest a bit, and he sits on the ground.

He doesn’t even notice when he closes his eyes, and sleeps.

~*~

Tony dreams of being in water. He looks up at space, and his heartbeat quickens, but he can’t breathe. Water’s in his mouth, and he drinks as if he can’t get enough, but he can’t swallow all of it, and then he’s drowning. His entire body is in water, a cold lake. Tony’s trembling, shouting to be let out of the water, _please, someone, please_. 

He rips his gaze away from the threatening space above him, to see Loki’s body beside him. The god is even paler than usual, with bloodshot eyes, staring lifelessly at the stars. His dark hair floats in the water, and there’s blood coming from his body, mixing itself effortlessly with the water.

Tony panics. He needs to get out of the water, but he can’t leave Loki. 

God, he can’t breathe. He can’t breathe.

And then he jerks awake, looking straight in the face of Loki, who looks more alive than Tony remembers him being, even if there’s something unnatural in the pale of Loki’s face. His green eyes are still as intent as they ever were, and Tony realizes what is happening.

‘’What are you doing?’’ Tony gasps, holding onto Loki for dear life. ‘’Oh my god, please tell me this is still a dream. Please tell me you’re not doing this.’’

‘’I did not mean for you to wake,’’ Loki says miserably. ‘’You were not breathing.’’

‘’You were following me? You were actually, really, following me?’’ Tony asks, because he has to know. His heart breaks, as Loki nods.

‘’I’m so sorry, Anthony. I am so desperately sorry.’’ They hold onto each other, as the wind howls around them. It’s maybe a few more hours to freedom, but Tony knows they’re never going to make it. He can’t take Loki back with him. 

But for now, he can kiss Loki, dragging their mouths together almost violently. They need this, both of them; need to know the other is near, now there is time to say goodbye.

‘’Hela is coming,’’ Loki whispers, and closes his eyes, pressing his forehead against Tony’s. ‘’You need to leave, Anthony. Please.’’

‘’I love you,’’ Tony says desperately, kissing Loki and pressing him against him. ‘’I love you, I love you. Don’t go. This wasn’t how it was meant to go.’’

Loki breathes out heavily and lets one of his hands go through Tony’s hair. ‘’I know, sweetheart. I know. But sometimes we don’t choose our own endings.’’

‘’I’m not leaving you,’’ Tony says resolutely. He knows he made a promise to Thor and Frigga, but he can’t leave Loki like this. Not now that he’s found him again.

‘’Tony –‘’ Loki starts, but Tony interrupts him.

‘’For better or worse, okay? Until death do us part. And I don’t care if that is maybe a bit earlier than we anticipated, because I mean it. I’m doing this with you, Loki. I can’t let you go again. I can’t.’’

Loki shudders, and presses another kiss against Tony’s lips, like a promise. A promise that won’t be broken, this time.

‘’You can still make it to the gate,’’ Loki tries. ‘’Hela will let you go. You can live, Anthony.’’

‘’I’m not going,’’ Tony tells him. ‘’Please, Loki, let me do this. Don’t fight me on this.’’

‘’Okay,’’ Loki breathes, and it seems like the fight leaves him. Tony’s never seem him like that, before. ‘’Okay, Anthony. I love you. Forever.’’

‘’Forever,’’ Tony agrees.

They sit like that, entwined lovers keeping off the inevitable, until Death comes and takes them both back to the cold realm they nearly escaped.

~*~

It’s not forever. But it’s theirs.

**Author's Note:**

> Snow is on the ground  
> Winters come  
> You long to hear my voice  
> But I'm long gone.


End file.
